watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go

ice fishing... that grand gathering that some of you had the pleasure of being at (whether you remember it or not)... will not be taking place this year. or at least, its not going to be taking place in st. cloud, mn, or being hosted by @ st. cloud. however, if anyone has an extreme desire to relive the good fun that is to be had at that event, my parents own a cottage on a lake. good sledding hill, an ice auger, warmth, cards, beds, ..... if anyone wants to ....

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the most frusterating thing about being back home is that there is a lack of variety in people. there are the older people... some fun, some crabby. there are the people in my parent's generation who are fun to hang out with once in a while. but for my own generation... single people (meaning not married or engaged)... i think there's something like10 of us in the whole town. and we all hang with each other. which for the most part is great. i love every minute of being around them. but when i look at the past month and a half, the nights all kinda blend together. and only being in eau claire for 2 nights a week makes it difficult to actually connect with peeps there.... it sometimes bothers me that i need human stimulation as much as i do. i wish i could be a loner.

it's strange to hear your voice, i did not expect for you to call

is it possible to do an exorcism on a muslim person? ... via video?... with christians, other muslims, jews, atheists, etc...? apparently in my dreams it is. this followed one of me winning a cross country skiing race. i woke up feeling a bit like dorothy in the wizard of oz. "you and you and you were there... and you were there." many of you were there. holy wow.

only when i stop to think about it

karaoke... beverages... a foreign man... lots of townie ladies...

i appologize profusely to any/all people who have ever received a phone message from me at the wee hours of the morning. i now know what i sound like in the wee hours of the morning (thanks dec). and i am VERY sorry. although i found myself quite humorous... i still appologize. this is not saying that they will stop. but ... i'm sorry.

touching you..ooooo, touching me..eeee

i can't remember a night light tonight. how many times have i "back-spaced" in the last two sentences?... i'm not sure. my friend mark is here from the UK. WAY cooler than my last go. cheers mark!

happy australian day, yesterday, folks. if your phone wasn't turned off (apparently if you're cool and go to egypt you turn your phone off), you would have a message on it.

he's tired... we will slumber now.

good typing, y'all!

everything is going to be alright, be strong, believe

it was brought to my attention last night that i have high expectations of those i surround myself with and when i see or feel that those people are selling themselves short and/or wasting their time and effort, i take it personally. i see this all too often.... and so, i am resolving to become more self centered, to be less interested in everyone else's doings.

i start class tomorrow. will leave for eau claire at 6 am. it will be an exciting drive. coffee will again be my friend!

english mate flying in this week... he'll already be here when i get back from E. C. on thursday. anticipating a better time than when that last brit was here (insert eye roll).

i'm not liking work already. used to work there 3 years ago. it was awesome in high school. however, since then, i've been exposed to a structured way of running a restaurant. now, this place seems so disorganized and chaotic. i'm annoyed already and its only been 3 days. i do enjoy the bartending, though. and it gets a good crowd of people, so maybe i can go easy on the waiting tables and focus more on the bar stuff... i just hate that money runs my life right now.

The best things in life are always free

today it was finally made official. i will be a blugold (ie: i will be taking a class at the University of Wisconsin Eau Claire).

on my way home, i got a flat. dad came to change it. i love my dad.

movin' on up, to the [west] side

the most amazing email was found in my inbox this afternoon. unless 12 students register for an international marketing course at uw Eau Claire before 8am tomorrow morning, i will officially step down (for one semester) as a HUSKY and will be a BLUGOLD for spring semester 2006.

this is the best news that i have heard in a LONG time... not happy that i have to do it at all in the first place, but am making the best of the situation and am ever so grateful that it'll be all the closer to home-base. this also gives me a great opportunity to become closer to one of my god-daughters.

those are the things that i'm loving about being back here. being able to re-connect with those that have inspired me, but also to those that have looked up to me.

i'm not fully comfortable here... not sure that i ever will be again. BUT, i am embracing and accepting what is my current state of life. don't you have to (to an extent) in order to keep sanity? for now, i'm going to keep mine. some people may feel disappointed in the fact that i'm accepting medford right now... like they expected something big and grande from me upon graduation. but i haven't yet... and i don't know that i will be doing something big and grande after this semester, either. i'm a "life will be what its supposed to be" kind of person. right now i have to focus on things like.... living and making things financially make sense. i'm up for opportunities. but right now the only thing that i have to do is get finished... and i'm going to bartend and serve until then. after that, .... we'll see.

its hard

trying to be the change in the world when all you feel is contradiction and criticism.... some days it makes you want to fight on and other days, ....is it really worth it?

you spin me right round baby

call from a far away friend last night. hadn't had a convo with him in a while. completely enjoyed hearing his voice and remeniscing...

it was the first convo with a conference goer since the conference. i was completely disappointed by the way things sound. mumken i can't say much because i'm no longer a part of it.. which is a shame too, the whole alumni actions that are or aren't

love you babe!!! we should do that more often... perhaps not for so long/so late at night. HUGS!

and there's an aching inside my head, it's telling me i'm better off alone

another semester... still don't know where. living at home and on the couches of others. frusteration is running at a moderately high level right now... but only in the area of my life that is labeled "school". either way, i'll probably be a passive member of aiesec this semester.

however, that's merely a probably. i've kinda been disappointed by the way it feels to be an aiesec alum... mumken, i've expected too much or something totally different than i should've.

i got grace much scrapbooking stuff for her birthday. it's hard to believe that my baby sister can now legally drive... anywho. we decided to do hours of scrapbooking last night. my main project has, and will be for a while, aiesec stuff... i couldn't quit smiling last night as i went through all of the hundreds upon hundreds of pictures that i have. it is truly rediculous...and there are some events that i haven't got any prints of yet.

got through ice fishing 2004 last night.... jillo riding the fish. (c: its humorous to me to look at events such as that and pinpoint different events that will live on in stories (or nicknames) probably forever. IF04 was the beginning of "colleen". invented by jill, carried on by jimmeh.

dad was looking through my @ photo album ... "looks like you did a lot of drinking, con......" .... "only on nights and weekends, dad." had to keep a close eye on who was going through the album and what events they were looking at.... got some pretty inappropriate ones in there ... body shots, mix, extreme alcohol consumption, etc... dangerous for some eyes.

it brings me sooo many smiles and so many good conversations through out the day. is it wrong for me to look back and sometimes only see pain? much of it is my own fault... again, expecting a lot out of people. the fact that i feel abandonment too easily. and i push people away in order to not feel the abandonment. is it possible that something can be the best and worst thing to have happened to a person?

mary has always told me that if it weren't for aiesec i'd be bored. i always heard it "if it weren't for aiesec, you'd be boring". she clarified that for me recently. i think that she's right. i'd be a lot less broke, but would've been much more bored in my (what will now be 5) years of college.

wow, this kinda took off in a direction that i wasn't expecting.

...so, if you've ever made it into a picture with me (or one that i've taken), you will be making me smile in the next few weeks as i apply borders, quotes, color and other scrapbook crap to the pages of my AIESEC scrapbook.... many of you don't even know that you'll be in there!! (ahh the early years!)

winter fun at the cottage

bundled up, originally uploaded by conniemg6.

i spent most of friday at our cottage (if anyone wants to go ice fishing ever, give me a call... fly or drive... its a great place to have a fun weekend on a frozen lake!). becks and some other friends were supposed to meet me after they were done with their daily duties. i went for my job interview (again a member of the turtle club wait and bar staff!...) and headed up for a peaceful day by myself... ended up staining my teeth purple from the bottle of cabernet that i finished all by my lonesome as i watched chick flicks and read the lion the witch and the wordrobe.

by the time becks got there, i was ready to head outside... the boat landing was the perfect place to go sledding!

excercise townie style

belly flop, originally uploaded by conniemg6.

becks and i have been talking about starting a work-out routine lately. we found out on friday night that sledding is as good a way to work out as any. i remember in high school, when my brother was in wrestling, the whole team would get bundled up and bring their sleds to school... for practice, they'd sometimes go to the huge sledding hill down by the park and sled for hours.

so, we tried to figure out what my dad and uncle had stashed in the garage that might make for good sleds. sure they had the generic ones that were even titled "sled and sled jr.", but c'mon... that's lame. we found a saucer, contemplated the big snow shovel... found some water floaty devices... even tried a huge bucket.

i've come to appreciate some of the simple pleasures of a townie life.

you really know that you're from a townie-up-north town when you get to san francisco and all you can think of as you drive up and down the hills is, "man, just imagine if they ever got snow here... these would be amazing sledding hills". (i'm a nerd)

buds

becks and connie, originally uploaded by conniemg6.

becky has been my savior since i got back. i thank the lord that she has such an open mind and can sense when i need her support... she's also not bad at the drinking and listening thing...

are you ready for some football?

its play-off season here in the states. i am currently sitting up a flight of stairs, through a hallway, through the kitchen and dining room away from the living room. my dad is watching the stealers-colts game by himself in the living room. just heard an extreme outbreak that sounded something like:

"OH MY GOD!! ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME?!"...... dial of the telephone (someone must have picked up on the other end) ... "OH MY GOD!! ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME?! JE-SUS-KA-RIST!"...... (mumbled some sort of convo to the person on the other end)... just walked through the dining, kitchen and hallway to the stairs to the basement...all while laughing out loud to himself.

these little events make me love to be back home.

kiss this, and i don't mean on my rosey red lips

i'm getting tired of my heart being broken.

you might be a redneck if...

apparently it was annoying my dad that the rug between the dining room and the livingroom kept moving locations throughout the week as people walked on it. so..... he put a nail through each corner and it is now stationary.

somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue

thought i graduated... letter i got today says otherwise. i might be a bluegold this time around... helllllo eric

I’m looking in and I’ve got nothing to lose, I will come back

my blog entry titles usually have something to do with what i'm either feeling or writing about... and most are song lyrics... today, my title has two different meanings... the first being that i am back in st. cloud for the weekend, after being back home for about 3 weeks. second relating to a conversation that i had with a dear friend, yesterday.

it is odd being back here. i've been out of this loop for 3 weeks.... it is worse than any holiday vacation that i've been on before. perhaps its partially due to the fact that i was not at an aiesec conference over new years.

the conversation that i had yesterday makes me pose all men a question. i have consistently become the best "girl" friend of most of my male friends. more than once, i have fallen for a guy friend but have not had their feeling recipricated (to my knowledge). however, because i am afraid of losing the friendship that has already been established, i never verbalize the interest. (this isn't taking into consideration the ex-girlfriends that some of these boys can't ever really shake... and are constantly lingering). ... to verbalize or not to verbalize...that is the question.

I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back

excessive speeds driving in the mail today. dad not happy.brother thought he would keep a secret from dad. brother without much of his ass now. assuming the chewing was painful. insurance bound to go up. connie looking like the angelic child once again. thank you STUPID STUPID brothers. (c:

I'll fix you a drink if you need it

i'm a dreamer... as in, i dream while i sleep...often. sometimes i can figure out why i had a certain dream. like it relates to things i've been doing or thinking about. but every so often i get ones that i'm not quite sure how i came up with the combonations of events. which leads me to thinking about that specific string of events for a while... and then sometimes parts of those events start happening... and then i have de ja vu. today i had de ja vu from a dream i had last night.

i've started missing things and people, just as i've started becoming accustom to things around here... just as my brother and i started getting along civilly (is that a word?)...

i've got a list of things to do for tomorrow... mom's made it. its funny how they all want me to find a job yet i have lists of household chores to do ... which prevent me from searching for a job.... have i ever mentioned that i hate baking... very very much dislike baking cookies... i will very very much dislike my life tomorrow.