i'll be your huckleberry, you don't have to double dare me
being the last day of 2005, i thought i'd reflect on the year that has past... and for starters, this was taken from my jan. 13 post...NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:
- figure out what my life path will be in the next year.
.... helllllllo?.. i live in medford, wisconsin. this one was definately not kept.- don't ever drink so much that i break down in tears while talking to the organizational consultant (again)
although i've not drank so much with mr. tworek since then, there's just something about him that makes me tear up. he's got a way of making me think about life... - get a passport (hold the gasping) and use it this year
... got a passport... still not been out of the country yet. i hate being broke )c:- if in the country, head to NYC for the Jim & Rickesh farewell cruise in NY harbor.
NOPE- pay off all outstanding debt and create a re-investment strategy that will ensure continual connie profitability.
I think the word "JOBLESS" sums this one up pretty well- apply to any/all jobs that spark my fancy..even a little bit
... have been interviewing and applying... i'm going to go ahead and check this one off fully!- keep in touch with those special people in my life that i consider friends ...
with some friends, i'd be able to check this one off... with others not. busy lives, i think is what they call this.*******for the past 2 new years eves, i've been at conference, living it up with all my homies and usually getting myself into some sort of trouble... duct tape bras and putting a hole through someone's foot with my stilletto come to mind. this year will be much different. deciding not to skip out on my mom's side of the family christmas, i will spend it with family that i don't often see... the family that i love most, the side that has most shaped who i am. ever continuing to grow, i've yet to see my last first cousin that will ever be born or my cousin since she got pregnant again. my grandma is 63 years old and before she hits 64, she'll be a great-grandma twice. an open invitation to go north to meet up with some friends from medford will probably not be taken advantage of.... i think that the once "don't go to bed before 4 am just in case you might miss something, party 'animal' connie from sconnie" will most likely be in bed before the ball drops in the midwest. i have a slight headache from last night's bachlorette party... had to hold myself back from decking a guy... but came awaywith some funny one liners... mumken they were only funny to us at the time .... but any party that results in dancing on a bar, many shots called liquid cocaine, a 4'10" body guard called 'ma', 4 headaches, and eating shredded vension at 3 am is rather successful.. (at 3 am when someone asked amy to get something for them) AMY: "what do you think this is the hotel mo 6?"..... it was hilarious at the time so just go with it...(the final bar we made it to was the 'thirsty moose')... had to try real hard to convince amy's ma to go with us there... afterwards-- EVERYONE: "she made it to the moose!".. MA LIAZUK: "she! S-H-E!"... again, funny to us.and although i'm probably going to miss friends tonight, i'm very much looking forward to the chaos of a smola christmas... 2 grandparents, 6 children, 6 spouses, 20 grandkids, 3 significant others and one great-grandchild... all ranging from 69 years - 3 months... quiet is not in our vocabulary. it'll be a good way to end a very roller-coaster of a year. all the best to everyone. i'm looking forward to a fabulous 2006... hopefully with some travels!... but happiness in whatever does happen in my life. welcoming 2006 with open arms!
i never meant to cause you pain, but it was there before i came
some people have the talent and some don't. my talent just developed a little slower than most. i used to be the "halo" child. could do almost no wrong. somehow, i've learned to piss my mother off in a heavy way. its about an every-other day type of thing. could be a subconscious game i like to play. i'm bored. need some stimulation and i don't mean the list that she leaves on the table before she goes to work of things that she wants me to do while she's gone. i don't mean the pan of brownies or the laundry that i'm supposed to fold. i need something to do. job hunting starts STAT!
no place to go to dry her eyes, broken inside
i feel like i've cut myself off from the world. talked to a friend for the first time in well over a week last night. its abnormal. i feel lost and alone ... but like i can't talk about it because not anyone that i've surrounded myself with can relate. and although i promised myself that i would be out of here by my birthday, it could take much longer. i have no base anywhere and no money to build my own base. i think that this is the best option for now, the only place i have. it feels good to know people, to see family, to have the people who saw you grow up be around you again. but there are so many things about me that have changed ... but the things that helped change me are no longer present in my life. its like the minute that i walked across that stage to shake president saigo's hand two huge chunks of who i am just knocked off. i feel so alone here. i've been called a bitch more since i've been back than i have in my whole life. i realize that he's 17 years old, has a complete attitude problem and thinks he is more intelligent than any other human being walking this earth. that's just another thing that has changed since i left, another thing that i've got to get used to. i'm really not used to being disrespected anymore. not used to relying on anyone else. i shouldn't be so proud. but i am. i am who i am... but that may change to something else soon. i won't be the same person next time we speak or meet. i need a hug... i'm not sure from who. i'm not better than the people of this town. i'm just different. perhaps coming from a town like mine and submerging myself into a culture so unlike it was a bad idea. because now i have to live here with this open mind and open heart... completely vulnerable to everything that surrounds me. i am not fitting very well into the life that i now have to lead.
let it snow
not here, no snow, in fact it was above freezing all day, melty and muddy. wishing everyone a safe and joyous holiday season. missing a lot of people already. going crazy living at home already...
the proof is in the fire you touch before it moves away
i have a bed including boxspring, headboard AND a frame. i have the warmest bedroom in the house with the woodstove chimney just inside one of my walls. the drawers are still full of someone else's clothes, although no one will claim them. took the antlers off the wall yesterday and replaced them with my corkboard soon to be full of memories. its a slow process but by the end of today, i'll have most of my things out of boxes and the rest of my christmas presents wrapped and under the tree. its just me and my dog, hanging around the house. baked sugar cookies for mom yesterday.. and turned down a drinking binge with my best friends here. apparently, friday will be the night to go out anyway as the teachers will all be out... and some of the posse here are teachers. so, friday it will be.sleeping in was once a luxury. for the past few days i'm awake in bed at 6:30 when my mom starts talking loudly (my bedroom's right off the kitchen), lie awake until everyone starts heading out at 7:30 and fall back asleep for a few hours. i forgot how much i enjoy sleeping...just laying in that warm bed. its been a LONG time since i've felt this. for now i'm gonna just savor it. hoping it won't last long!
deer hunting crew
deer hunting crew
Originally uploaded by conniemg6.got these pictures in a christmas card that i opened yesterday. dad insisted that all my cultured friends see what my roots are. like katiewisconsin, i too spent the week of thanksgiving running through the woods with or without a gun, in all blaze orange, chasing deer down. many years we don't end up this fruitful as a deer camp, but i'm glad they did on the year that i'm moving home. there's nothing like a good venison steak or some venison sausage!
i have SO many stories and good memories from that one week a year that i spent at the shack with my dad, brothers, uncles and cousins.
good times, good times
deer hunting
deer hunting
Originally uploaded by conniemg6.apparently, when dad was in town registering the deer, people were actually getting out of their cars and taking pictures of this. i don't care how townie you are, THIS is impressive. not just the number of deer, or BUCKS for that matter, but the fact that they got them all on one short-bed pick-up truck. .... yep, this is my life (c:
closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world
this is what my horoscope read this morning.... Taurus
Changed home situations recently? Considering it, even as you read this? You want things to stay the same, but you're itching for a change. Well, why fight it? Start considering your options -- your realistic options. Bet you've got more than you've considered.
now if you know me at all, you know that i get these emailed to me for fun, just to "see if they match up with my life". and this one just happens to. yesterday i moved back in with my parents. well, i slept in a bed at my parents' house... my stuff is still moved into theirs and my cars. i told myself that i'd be able to fit my life into 2 suitcases, a carry on and a personal bag. somehow that didn't happen like i would've liked it to. my parents run a business from their home (if you ever need an apartment in medford, wisconsin, let me know... i've got connections). so, being here puts you in danger of coming in contact with their tennants. i think i scared the shit out of a little old man this morning. red and white zuba pants, wisconsin hoodie, greasy hair in a pony on the top of my head, glasses, and red eyes from tears i'd just cried. its not that i don't enjoy this town. no matter how much i've bashed it in the past, to be honest, i think i'm one of the lucky few to have been raised on the morals of a small midwestern town. they're much different than a lot of places. throughout my time away, i've really learned to appreciate this place. and although its not my ideal place to be right at this moment, i think that it'll be good for me to be reminded of where i originated. ..... where it is that shaped the girl that SO many envy.......but it really does bring me to tears knowing that a very large part of me has ceased... in fact two have. the college life that i grew comfortable with is now gone. i live here, my keys were left there. and this is the first conference that i will not be attending in 2.5 years. it was almost 3 years of my life that aiesec made up. and i'm letting go of possibly the best thing that ever happened to me (thus far). its saying goodbye before i think i'm ready. and the hardest part is that i don't have anyone around that even remotely understands. a few teary nights are ahead... i wish there was some way to have closure. and i know that @ will never really be gone.... as long as there are calls from scotland, emails from new zealand and IMs from morocco. but there was no finale to my working with it as a student volunteer. that's the biggest reason for my heavy heart.
here we come a wasseling among the leaves so green
i don't want to write this, i don't want to write this, i don't want to write this..!!!!i cant wait to get home to get a bed that has a box-spring and frame that goes with the matress. and comfort. its been so hard saying "adios" to my friends here. some that are going through very hard times... and i'm abandoning them. i actually had to leave before i said goodbye to some of them on saturday in order to avoid crying. i'm such a damn baby!because in reality.... some of them are goodbyes... forever. and it hurts to say that, but its the truth. life will go on.... i will live... the future is coming fast. i need to be ready for it.... angie thinks its something big. i hope she's right.
'cuz its goodbye time
in 24 hours i will again be an official citizen of medford wisconsin. this is where the job hunt continues. one all nighter left to finish that take home.... mary and i will be each other's support system for those kind of things for one last time.
finish moving and cleaning the apartment.... then the last drive "back home" for a while. a life of unknowns and no schedules. that just might drive me insane.
'cuz i'm FRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE... free fallin'
unofficially done with college! i have one take home final left, but because i can sit in front of a television with my book to the side and a laptop, well, on my lap while i regergitate what the book says the terms and concepts are, i'm not reallly going to count that.mom, dad and both grandmas are rollin' in tomorrow... moving shit and dinner... and then the ever dreaded "ceremony". shower is needed... although i don't think i smell, its been 3 days without one. the person next to me may feel differently about my aussi sprunch cover-up attempt.
i've gone crosseyed
and now i'm going home.
what a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walkin' in a winter wonderland
it started snowing last night before bed. was still snowing when i woke up. much done today, already. dug out 2 cars from the 6 inches of snow they were burried under. moved mary's final stuff out of my apartment. finished 2 final presents. was in a vehicle that hit a pole. spoke with my dad about coming to st. cloud this weekend. made plans with my aunt for christmas on my biological father's side. .... just waiting for my partner to get here so that we can study for the anthro final that takes place in 24 hours. i'll be in the library until they kick me out tonight.... 1 am i will find my bed. and 6 am i find the library again.
give me something to break
if you can't afford to tip the wonderful server for their services on your $75 meal, you shouldn't be going out for a $75 meal!
and i heard em say, nothing ever promised tomorrow today
to try to gain more response and avoid people not commenting on this issue because their "answer" is already posted, i decided to ask again... and draft the original.for our last anthropology class, we are to ask 5 people "how many races are there in the world" and have them give you a number and classifications as to what those races are. i thought i'd do better than five... so i'm asking you.
so baby call me whenever you're lonely.
it disgusts me that people make excuses for their actions. i think that after a few times of a varying form of the same situation, one would learn how to avoid the situation.... or how to deal "properly" if the situation is inevidable. you just continue hurting others.... but mostly hurting yourself if you can't figure out how to deal. "i don't think and just think that i've always been taken advantage of... its normal for me" ... its not normal when it ruins friendships. it just so happens that our friendship was a lot stronger than the situation you fucked up for me. but that's not always the case. learn quicker.rant over*****************************one present left... mom's usually easy to buy for. this year, not the case. i think its that i want to get her something more "me" ... because i think that she doesn't really know me anymore. i want something that reflects who i've become. she got the book "1000 things to see before you die" (holly... you have it) for her parents, hinting that they don't do anything, but in fact they've driven through the rockies, touched the pacific ocean, stood beside a redwood tree... the've been to places . of course, all in the US. my mom, however, has told me more than oncethat if i move away, she hates planes, and will likely not come to visit. soooo, i think i'm going to get her a traveling book for the paraniod... or something along that lines. otherwise... x-mas shopping is as done as its going to get.one week of classes and tests. currently procrastinating (of course)... as it always is when mary and i get together to "study". she's looking at recipes and i'm chatting and blogging... in addition to the gab-fest that we always have. that's one of the biggest things i'm going to miss... mary and our gab-fests. )c:
can i graduate
pink... just to make me happy this fine evening.
its after 9 pm. i've been at the library for a little over an hour with full intentions of doing my anthropology paper. i LOVE the class, but for some odd reason i can't get myself motivated enough to do it. its due tomorrow... worth 2 tests. i have the title page completed. that took me 3 hours last night. a mcaleese became a distraction.. a much needed one, but a distraction none the less. (c;
tonight, mary... bless her heart... has donated her laptop so that i didn't have to walk the library for hours in hopes that someone would get their butts out of a chair by a computer and race 10 people to stake claims on it. i love mary!
last night was supposed to be the stereotypical tuesday evening. a night at DB's with patrick, lisa and kyle... taking in a nice show by preston and paulzine. yeah..... right. started at work with a glass of wine, moved to granite city for a beer, to the tavern for a gin and tonic (that's right, I MIXED) and FINALLY ended up at DB's. at about beer 2, some slobbery drunk guy pushes me.. instead of the polite "excuse me" that i usually do (HONESTLY!), i felt like a "don't f***ing push me!"... this resulted in BAD things.... namely, him calling me a whore to kyle (patrick's roommate), me holding back patrick and kyle from kicking this dude's ass (dude claiming to be an off duty po-po), lisa putting in her small man syndromed red head tempered 2 cents, dude being kicked out of the bar ... but only after i did i stern mother-esk finger scolding with the wide eyes and a "watch your f***ing mouth". my honor was defended!!!
much other things happened last night including a witnessing of a friend's boyfriend's cheating ways...... in which resulted in my and lisa's full disaster clean-up mode today.
started sorting and packing today. i have a disaster in my room, but i'm looking at it seeing piles of garbage and piles of "needing to be packed" stuff.
i'm on my second jumpstart of the eveing (some of you may call them eye-openers or depth charges). will probably start the shakes shortly.
after seeing shiro (2nd time this week!) a happy pink evening will positively take place.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
in friendships ...in first times...in last times...in tears....in mucho laughter....in moves...in pictures...in life changing experiences...in dances...in bottles...in plane tickets...in dreams.... in passports...in purses...in shoes....in powerpoints..in happy hours...in road trips...in cups of coffee...in tests taken...in presentations given...in class talks...in blog entries...in memories...in tips...in msn conversations...in movies...in hearbreak...in falls...in goosebumps...in snowflakes...in papercuts...in bottles of shampoo...in elephants that broke the camels back...man... this year has been long and sooooo short at the same time. i have so many things, experiences to be thankful for. i just need to keep remembering that in the next few days when i start feeling like life's shit. it will be, probably the most stress i've ever felt, but i have a lot of happiness ... in the form of shoes and purses.... and a lot of good people surrounding me. (c:
and the bass keeps runnin' runnin' and runnin' runnin
whew... 12 days left in the 56304 area code.... one day it will be more popular than 90210. the list of things to do is HUGE. currently skipping extra credit to work on a job application that's due in a few hours. two papers, two assignments, two in-class tests, one take-home, a capstone discussion, a presentation, work and a packing and cleaning of a house. jesus... i think i just gave myself an ulcer now that i've put it all in writing.one sentence... its missing one sentence, but i'm not sure what that one sentence should be. i think this is what they call writers block. damn it all!
its all your fault i screen my phone calls
the long awaited (ok, no one was waiting and in fact, i'm sure at least jen will wish i didn't have them) pictures from LTM in NYC a month ago. it was time to get them off my camera. i'm giving permission to use and abuse them!and i want to reitterate.. aaron's so dreamy!
just smile back
5:00 phone rings... wakes me up. who the HELL calls at this time in the day?! shit, its kaitlin. snap into super console mode. answer.... "what's wrong?!".... a giggle... "hey sparky."... me thinks ' ok, so its only 3 where she is, perhaps she's drunk 'cuz surely no one could be as chipper as she is if someone just died'. (which is what i thought happened) ... "is this a bad time?"... "what's going on?.... why are you calling at this time?"... "are you ok?"... "wait, what time is it?". kaitlin: "5". ..... me: "in the morning?... shit, its five in the evening... "..........NAPS ARE DANGEROUS.... especially at this time of the year when 5 in the morning looks exactly like 5 in the evening... DARK.minor heart attack had by that one, but nothing that i shouldn't recover from in the next few days.17 days... and then my st. cloud lifespan will be dead. graduation day... moving shit out... and going to where ever the same day. wahoo... december 17th should be a busy one!
