I am who I am...

And I come on like a freak show take the stage

i'm at my almost breaking point. my whole body's throbbing and i'm sure that as soon as i get home and lay down trying to take a super power nap, my body will go into convusions because of the lack of food, lack of sleep and excess of sugar and caffeine that i'm intaking trying to keep going.

its like that one time that holly and i got a total of 5 hours of sleep the 3 day weekend we were in NYC for ltm...

and because of the sugar/caffeine and lack of sleep, last class i think i had a minor break-down. kinda freaked out about the future. thinking of the possiblities and what each one will mean. what i'll have to do. the letters that i've promised myself that i'll write to my family and friends if i ever choose to go down that one path... which i'm almost positive that i eventually will. looking at my schedule for the next week and realizing that most likely, i'll be sitting in my job interview with legs just a quivery as they are right now... and not because of nerves, because of my lifestyle.

this type of thing isn't supposed to happen until finals week... or at least mid-terms. damn it all.

posted by Connie Mia @ 3:24 PM 3 Comments

good morning, good morning

i think i'm going to die of a heart attack. sometime in the next few days. from lack of sleep. and high stress. too much caffeine and too early of mornings paired with too late of nights.

kegs at my funeral! but only if you bring a handful of daisies or daffodils

posted by Connie Mia @ 6:38 AM 7 Comments

I saw our future in her eyes

great day at work! i don't think i've been so pumped to be at work in a really long time. we had this session going on called National Issues Forum with the senior citizens that frequent work and kids from the university talking about different issues in our government and society. it rocked my world.

i'm becoming somewhat of a wine connoisseur as of late. i'm thinking it could be a dangerous thing. but i've quit smoking socially... am actually hating smokers being around me recently. my mom should be so proud.

i've been doing quite a good job of avoiding my roommate lately. two more months. fabulous

been thinking a lot lately about what will come next. you know if you've been on my mind. and it'll play out eventually. now its just a thinker

i love getting random texts from across the globe. thanks guys, love you!

posted by Connie Mia @ 5:44 PM 0 Comments

i can't help you fix yourself, but at least i can say i tried

4:50... mary with a wake-up call. shower, clothes, pick mary up. been sitting in the coffee shop pre-opening for about a half hour already. did the illegal going behind the counter to make myself a drink without paying for it. was kinda depressed, thought that since i worked an espresso michine for years like a goddess that i'd still have the touch. the shots looked good, just no crema. i'm gonna go ahead and blame it on the fact that it was pre-ground espresso from yesterday afternoon. yep, works for me. i kinda miss that. i think perhaps one day, i'll open up a bar/espresso shop. so that you can order a true irish cream latte. mmmmm. maybe mary will want to get in on the action. we'll dedicate it to peter, call it "SHOTS" and live the life he always wanted to live. drunk and high on caffeine. ha.

so, the purpose of me being awake so early was to actually do homework. and i will. but doing this is so much more fun. b-law, its good shit, but honestly, i'm already sick of talking about trade secrets. its been the topic of discussion for the last 3 weeks. 1-it has to be a secret, 2-it has to have some sort of value, 3-must have reasonable measures taken to keep it a secret. kids, that was not looked up... its actually burned into my brain. that doesn't happen too often. so congrats dr. kurtz, you've done a fine job... now lets move on.

right, now on that note, off to write the paper thats due in 3 hours and brief the cases that are due in 3 hours. chris chan, i toast my 4 shot latte to you.

posted by Connie Mia @ 5:59 AM 1 Comments

Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

i need to stop this... the ones around me don't have nearly as much shit going on as i do. they all have ONE job, and that's it. i need to be around more college students, not so much the working class. these people are hard core. they go home at night and get to watch t.v. guilt free. i don't have that luxury. and i will be paying for my antics for the rest of this week... although, most likely, it won't teach me a lesson...

last week is over, and i am grateful for that, but i have a long one or two ahead of me. planning on not much sleep and living off of coffee this week. possibly my first all-nighter of the year tonight. i love my jobs, but it was so much easier when i didn't have to mess with school this summer. i very much dislike the fact that i'm broke.

a week and a half until i return to my beloved madison. man, i can not wait! KG, burbs, you will be receiving a jingle-jangle.

anyone have homework motivation tips? i completely enjoy my classes this semester, i just can't be bothered to do the homework for any of them.

posted by Connie Mia @ 10:17 AM 1 Comments

We got waitresses and we got barflies, A dumb-ass and a wise-guy

i'm pretty culturally sensitive... for the most part. i believe that one day when i go to another country, i will do as the locals do, try to assimilate as much as i can. i am fairly confident that i will not simply go to a place and think that just because i'm an american that i can do whatever i want.

i don't care if you're the freaking queen of england, you're accent does not equal a tip. when the bacardi girls come around and ask if you want a "free shot" you say no thank you unless you want to pay her with a TIP for the drink. just because someone puts their credit card down to hold the tab, doesn't mean that they're picking yours up. if your waitress doesn't charge you for your drinks, you need to tip them extra good because 1-you didn't have to pay for your drinks, so she probably did, and 2-it was quite a guesture for her to not charge you for your drinks, so you should thank her.

i just want my old life back. its something that i've fully taken advantage of for the past 3 years, being myself and only taking care of myself.

posted by Connie Mia @ 12:56 PM 0 Comments

Take you away from that empty apartment

i'm so over this college thing. i almost feel like i'm too good for it, that i'm too old to be here. while walking to class today, i passed two girls in very trendy clothes and fuzzy slippers. i can't believe some of this shit. i mean, one or the other... i mostly go with the slum look, but hey, thats just me... can't do the - i took two hours to get ready, "don't i look pretty" thing and combine it with the - i just rolled out of bed at 3 pm thang... c'mon now.

i need some motivation in life right now. probably because i'm so tired. sleep is needed a lot. or at the very least, i need my body to adjust quicker to the whole sleep only 4 hours a night thing.

lisa and i have been spending a lot of time together lately. we're each other's sanity at work and outside. we've become so attached that all we have to say is one word and we're in stitches about something that happened.. apparently we annoy all those who we surround ourselves with. she's the reason i'm tired... she won't let me stay in a single night. must go out and paint the town... again

i just had a huge rush of saddness come over me. looking at pictures, sending out mass emails and knowing that i won't add some people's names because they aren't there and it no longer applys to them, knowing that my drunk-dials won't be promptly returned, realizing that my favorite margarita sharers hath disappeared and were replaced with new ones, the list goes on and on... i'm missing people. i'm feeling left behind and left out. i'm missing some people A LOT.

huge hugs to those that i'm talking about.. if you think this may apply to you, go ahead and hug yourself from me, because most likely it does apply to you... and i miss you.

posted by Connie Mia @ 3:36 PM 4 Comments

i smell t-r-o-u-b-l-e

ferg handcuffed himself
Originally uploaded by conniemg6.

whenever i say that my life is boring, don't believe me. perhaps i have moments of not-over-the-top excitement, but in all honesty, there's always something to talk about. mostly because i'm a trouble-maker.

there's always a story to tell... like that time when ferg came to my house, saw the handcuffs on my brother's dresser and handcuffed himself, contemplated cuffing himself behind his back and/or to the chair in the dining room, and then (in his quaint english accent) said "connie, do you happen to know where the keys are?"

he's staying with me for a week, sometimes i want to shoot him. but its mostly because i don't have my complete freedom and have to actually think about another human being. god help me when i have children.

i've been sitting at my desk for almost a half-hour. i have no idea what i should be doing right now. boss isn't here and hasn't called...

trouble with a capital t. that's me.

ames comes in a few days... which smells like more trouble. in a good way. oh wow.

i need to slow down life and prioritize. its been difficult lately. i think i know what i want, but i always end up leaning towards the trouble. i'm only young once, that's what i keep telling myself. need to study and get decent grades... need to turn in complete homework... need to do the homework before my interview. prioritize...

posted by Connie Mia @ 9:29 AM 0 Comments

that thing, that thing, that thi-i-i-ing

i NEED to buy books today. already behind on homework, and its starting to get rediculous. i have one of my four books and could be doing the homework for that class, sing as though its due in an hour, but alas, uploading pictures and chatting is WAY more fun.

would you say that "body tingles" or "stomach flips" are more significant? its something i MUST know.

posted by Connie Mia @ 8:12 AM 1 Comments

i can't take you doing that thing you do

its one of those things where you think its good when its happening and then, you'd take it all back if you'd have known that it was changing something for the bad. i wouldn't say its regret, because regret is something that doesn't happen to me. and it could turn out to be good, but right now its questionable.

madison, i'm headed down on october 6th. i have an interview that day, but have that night and most of the next day to play. and then on to RoKS in illinois?? let me know if you want to play too.

posted by Connie Mia @ 12:28 PM 2 Comments

Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

in the past few day's, i've come to the conclusion that i will NEVER be the kind of house guest that i wouldn't want staying with me.

they put a huge world map up on the wall in front of my desk today... i will be happy for a while.

posted by Connie Mia @ 12:07 PM 0 Comments

happy birthday ... to you!!

happy birthday ... to you!!
happy birthday dear steve !!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

posted by Connie Mia @ 9:15 AM 1 Comments

hold my hand, i want you to hold my hand..

exhaustion doesn't even begin to discribe me. have already made the conscious decision to bust out the homework, send it off, and then skip my classes, go home for nourishment and a NAP before my interview.

its the best thing for the world, at this point.

last night was quite possibly the worst night i've ever had in my life... and in fear of a complete break-down if i go into why, i'm going to just leave it at... it was so bad that i didn't even have the energy to cry.

congrats to jen and the salaam program!! i'm so very very excited.

have a fabulous day and at approximately 3.30 pm (Central time) today, beam some positive energy my way... its round 2!

posted by Connie Mia @ 8:54 AM 3 Comments

knock, knock, on the door, who's it for? there's nobody in here

i'm getting used to my usual school routine again. partial because i don't like being at home, partially because i have so freaking much to do, and partially because, well, just because. i'm back to the 4-6 hours of sleep a night. yesterday, i was gone from my house by 7:15 and didn't return back until 2 this morning. and with 4 hours of sleep, i'm sure that today will be quite similar to yesterday. i think that by december, i will have to again go through caffeine rehab.

i think a lot about calling people, ones who i haven't talked to in a while, or when i last talked to them, did the quick "can i call you back in a few days?"... that was a few weeks ago. and i really feel bad about those. hmmm.. i have an hour drive today alone. perhaps i will do some calling. the only other time i really have (in leu of calling in the 10 minutes i have between classes or the walk from class to my car) is in the wee hours in the morn and the late late hours in the night... not always appropriate.

i'm at my new job right now. have finished all my tasks for the day and simply need approvals on the projects. the only thing left for me to do is to write a little somethin' sumthin' about myself for the community news letter. but i'm stumped. what to write.... What? hmmm, i am surrounded by senior citizens all day. what might they find interesting about connie gelhaus?

i all of a sudden got really tired. i think i'm boring myself. not going to appologize to anyone else if they're bored with this. you're choosing to read it, after all.

i've been trying to think about my halloween costume as of late. it is NEVER too early to start thinking about that. its just the balance that needs to be kept in the costume... not too warm in case madison ends up being as warm as it was last year, but then again, it may be freezing like 2 years ago. last year was a good costume year. cool outifits with the option for warm accessories. big fur wrap for the halter dress, big fur coat for the old-hags costume. we were thinkers. but what to do this year?? how to keep the balance?? how to recycle stuff into a new costume?? lets keep costs low, kiddies... consignment shops = good.

posted by Connie Mia @ 12:36 PM 0 Comments

another summer day has come and gone away

i'm torn. for so long, i've been trying to convince myself that i need to get away, that i can't take the midwest anymore, that all the small-town crap is too overwhelming for me. and perhaps the small town crap is too overwhelming.

this past weekend, i attended the wedding of the boy i was promised to when we were 7. obviously, that didn't last long, as i'm still single and he most definately is not. but being there with his family, my parents and all of the family friends, i always feel so good. like these people who've known me since i was 7 are OK with me. they absolutely love me and always will.

i will go away, because i need to. because i must know what the rest of the world is like. but i don't know where my final settling place will be. it won't be medford, wisconsin. but it may be somewhere... somewhere close.

posted by Connie Mia @ 11:56 AM 6 Comments

heal the world, make it a better place.

i was chatting with alia today and this came up in part of our conversation. this type of thing is what makes salaam and all the effort put towards it real and worth it. she's leaving soon and that's what provoked this part:


BLISSSSSFULY CRAZED says:
i know im defenitley coming back to the states again...hopefully not after long....i just need to get rid ofthis stupid 2 year thing...u know anything about it?

connie mia.. first day of school! says:
ahh, you can't come back after being on the J-1 for 2 years??

BLISSSSSFULY CRAZED says:
i cant work in the us...but i think i can get a tourist visa...but that wont do!i need to support my self!i aint no rich chick!but i hear there CAN be some sorta waiver

connie mia.. first day of school! says:
haha

connie mia.. first day of school! says:
so, you're definately coming back!

BLISSSSSFULY CRAZED says:
ASBSOLUTELY....i like visiting america...i wouldnt live here long term...but staying here for a while is very refreshing...i feel awsome seriously...rejuvinated!and i know its not just chicago...its america

i heart aiesec!

posted by Connie Mia @ 10:49 AM 3 Comments

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

if anyone could clue me in, it'd be great. SCENE:

he knows this sort of thing is very hard for me. we talked about our feelings and they're not in sync with each other (or so he claims). plus, neither of us is willing to give a good strong effort towards it. i need distance to let things and feelings pass... and just when i think they're going right, i get a text or series of texts in the wee morning hours. he won't call so that we can hack things out again... i have no idea how i'm feeling right now. and THAT is pissing me off.


new job is going to be fan-freaking-tastic. my boss is so damn kick ass... we talked yesterday about skype and friends on the other side of the world. its great!


its the first day of my last semester of school. la-di-da.

posted by Connie Mia @ 8:07 AM 5 Comments

All the girls are getting’ pretty sprayin’ on the White Rain

classes start here today.. but i don't. i start my new job today, the one that may actually give me some real-life experience with my degree.

slowly but surely moving my shit out of mary's house, although technically, i'm already "checked out".... haha, mr. landlord didn't know that the stuff on the porch is ALL MINE.

i'm kinda lonely here, not gonna see any of my homegirls this semester, it seems. that's going to suck a lot. i only have one form of sanity now... shit.

1st interview on friday... we'll see how that goes.

posted by Connie Mia @ 9:11 AM 3 Comments

and college now that was a ball

you know it was a good night when:

-you've had 4 margaritas and more than 1 litre of beer
-nobody leaves until well after 4
-more than one person ended up naked..... while playing cards
-you run into good friends that you haven't seen in years and only expected to see at certain people's weddings
-you wake up not knowing where you put your glasses and wondering how the hell they got where you found them
-your keys are still lost.

i have no freaking clue..................

posted by Connie Mia @ 11:36 AM 1 Comments

I’ve got this friend. Yeah, I think I know her.

time is crazy... especially with friendships. i've had some time to think about stuff lately. and i've been thinking that its crazy how with some people, you become instant friends, people who can't stand to not be with each other and go crazy when you go days without talking to them, much less seeing them. and then there are those who you've known for years and years and just finally have broken into the friendship stage. but with making friends, there is also the breaking down of friendships. which is sometimes a sad thing, but sometimes, you just don't know what to say. sometimes there's so much to say, but no right way to say it. and then there's the being tired of being the only one that seems to care in the friendship. some friendships are ok with the not talking for a long time, just jumping back into the old stuff when you speak again or see each other. i do hate thinking about the ones that you know will never be the same, that even if they do call, you don't want to talk to them because there's nothing that you'll have in common anymore. i feel guilty silencing those, waiting for voicemail to pick up, but it sometimes beats the painfulness that will happen if you try to make conversation... the knowing that a few years ago, you talked all night without batting an eye, but now the "what's new?" .. "nothing,... you?" ... "nothing"...is less than desireable.

like i said, i've had some time to think about stuff lately...

----

i will soon be down to 3 jobs this fall... 3 that will be do-able. two weeks got put in today. so just before ferg gets here, i'll be back to sane connie... although, i'm not sure that has ever existed, nor will ever exist, but you get my drift.

---

got word today that the first person that i've ever assisted in sending abroad got accepted!... i'm very excited for tyrone to get to colombia. he should be leaving shortly... wahoo.

---

i'm looking forward to school starting again, for the last time (maybe not in my life, but for a long time). being on campus kinda makes me happy... sick i know, but there's a comfort that comes with being there. ... next thursday will be the beginning of the end. and that's scary.

posted by Connie Mia @ 5:59 PM 5 Comments