if you're gonna fly away, don't fly without me

i've been thinking a lot about the future. sometimes i wonder why because whether or not i think about it, it'll come with whatever unexpectedness it wants. either way, i have been thinking. graduation is in 37 days (which is reminding me that i have discussion questions due in 64 minutes... shit!). i, in no way, shape, or form, have a job lined up or even in the pipeline. this fact isn't a worry right now, its not putting me into hyperventilation mode, which IS confusing to me.

angie told me the other day to just move... i'm pretty sure that when you don't have any money, it makes it a bit difficult to just move. unless its back to the parents house where rent is free, and i can probably mooch for a little while before they call me on it. mooching would mean getting random jobs in medford, possibly substitute teaching, waitressing, babysitting, doing odd jobs and maybe looking for a real job in the meantime. i'm just not sure.

i feel like medford's the only place that i have real connections... i don't see a whole lot of marketing potential in the mostly family business based town, but perhaps i'm just what they need... for a little while... until i am a bit more financially stable.

but if i do that, i could become trapped... could end up being that girl that i was before i left.. the one who didn't have a passport and never really thought of going anywhere out of the country except western europe.

huh... 37 days. that's crazy. who would've ever thought the day would come??

but, then what? i calmly say, "i don't know..."