life is a runaway train you can't wait to jump on

so, i spoke too soon. crap on that! starting over on the apt. hunt...boo!

i have a HUGE crush on 2 boys at work...neither of them should i have crushes on... crap on that too!

i'm very excited for a few days back home this weekend. see some homies that are long over due for a visit! hooray!

she only smokes when she drinks

i got a call that i got the apartment, so hooray. just need to sign papers. i've come to realize that i really do like that one dude.. against my better judgement. i'm not sure if that second job will pan out in the end... i'm really going to miss all these guys when i move out...especially my aunt and 13 year old cousin. i'm not sure what i'm all going to put into my massively large apartment..there's SO MUCH ROOM!

ps: i really like my job! and the company is stellar. if you need a job, i have an in! let me know!!

the daylight fades and slowly the time with you is standing still

apparently if you need someone to do a reading at your wedding, you turn to me. hooray.

birds fly over the rainbow

i think i found it. home for a while. it's big and cheap and ...i really like it! plus, there's a bar across the street and an ice cream shop (the best in town) just 3 blocks down the street!

if you want to visit, you can stay IN MY GUEST ROOM!!

helplessly, hopelessly, wrecklessly falling in love

would you date this man??

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’ve been hurt in the past, and put
up walls (figuratively, its not like I went to a plastic surgeon so they could
put walls around my heart) so no one can hurt me again. I have no heart anymore.
Some have said that I’m heartless. Others say soulless, but I don’t know what my
lack of compassion has to do with whether I listen to Al Greene or not. For the
record, I listen to Al, but I don’t really like Aretha Franklin. I also like
long walks on the beach, swimming with dolphins, playing my music at level 22,
singing, dancing, lollipops, coloring, the ninja turtles (especially Leonardo),
reading harry potter (luminos! Expeliamos! lol rofl te he), ponies, high fives
are one of my favorite activities to participate in, risk (like bungee jumping
or driving 120+ mph without my seatbelt, not the game), I want to learn how to
fly (not an airplane, but to physically train my body to move my arms in a
flapping motion fast enough to get lift off), dinosaurs are my favorite pets.
etc

one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

it's official. i'm past that part of my life. where drinking 6/7 nights a week is cool. talking loudly about it at work is cooler. and having work crushes is a must have. ...well, probably scratch that last part. but the drinking's so true. alas, what can i expect when i am back in a restaurant and i'm the oldest one there. all others are hovering around 21 and still in college. ...but now i just find it/them annoying.

the big company picnic is today. at the company hanger. where i'll get to tour the company jet and the company tour bus. the company yacht couldn't make it. one day i'll get to even utilize these. open bar and free food. casino setting and prizes (i could really use a flatscreen tv). and my uncle and his fam will be there too so it'll be an affair to be seen. stoked, i am.

also stoked about the chicago plans that are coming up. and that's all i have to say about that!

i have a feeling that monday will be one filled with exhaustion. spending the entire weekend at the restaurant. i'm yawning already...no good.

remember me this way

2 calls today referring to dear ones having brain cancer. it creeped me out a bit and so i verbalized that it must be him (boy i was shadowing for the afternoon) knowing full well that i have the close connection to the vicious beast. this prompted me to say something about randy and they challenged my truthfullness because of my lack of emotion... told me that they needed proof to believe me.

i knew mom had a box or two containing all of his life in the basement somewhere. when i got home tonight, i started to search for them. this is the first time that i've ever gone through his things by myself, having the capabilities of interpreting things in my own way. mom always told me that looking at those things were very hard, but i never thought they were as hard as she made them out to be.

looking through things tonight, i couldn't help but understand her pain. especially when you looked at his eyes in some of the pictures. you know he knew that the child he was holding, his own 2 year old, may not remember him at all in a few years. and the baby - he may not see her to one. as of a month and a half ago, i have outlived my father.

they won't get proof. i can't bring myself to care what they think of me. because i can't get past the look in his eyes.